It was 1992, goodness, a good 16 years ago, I took my first steps emulating all my sisters walking into the halls of fame in this prestigious or maybe once prestigious university in the country and perhaps once upon a time, in South East Asia, University Malaya.
As I walk these steps, a mental slide show begins to reel. It starts with me in Standard Three, when I remember my teacher, asked the class who wants to be a doctor and why. Strangely, 5 of us lifted our arms and out of that 3 of us have somehow manage to achieve it. A smile arched across my face as I vividly remember telling my teacher I love blood! Goodness she must have thought I was mental!
Life wasn’t a bed of roses. I wasn’t the best in class only getting the idea of studying in Form 4, I trailed and toiled and somehow rolled together with the best in my school till I somehow manage to breathe the air of this prestigious hall. Must be my mom’s prayers, I believe. She used to pray for us before we sat for our exams but for me it was different – whenever she prays and tells me all will be well, it would not be. Thus she stopped saying anything but continued praying — I must say I believed in that more than what I studied.
From a prestigious school to a prestigious university, all I could feel was of pride. It was not too long afterwards, that I realized that medical school was a total different ball game. As i stepped into the Dean’s office for the interview, I was asked why choose medicine and I was silent as if to question why not. I looked at the aging professor, and said, ” I always felt like doing it, no second thoughts, but perhaps the most obvious reason was that I would love to help people.” I smiled as I exited the room.
Now 16 years forward, I find myself in constant asking of that very same question. Somehow, this simple question does not seem to be the easiest to answer truthfully. With changing times, more financial strain, difficulties in progressing in the profession, this question truthfully is difficult.
Then, a few days ago, I saw my patient and I realized something. She was a young lady in her 40s with young kids, suffering from Oesophageal cancer. Oesophagectomy (removal of the oesophagus) is a surgical procedure with high morbidity and mortality and thus many shrug away at doing this. The surgery was done 10 days ago. A few days ago, she was already walking about and having soft diet with no major complaints. As I walked towards her, the first thing I realized was the smile she presented to me. That was the biggest present any patient can give their doctor, a smile in return. I was flushed with enthusiasm and I realized that the answer to that very question has never changed. Nothing could be above that smile she gave me, not even the powers above that deprive me of going further for I have already gone a little further. After working for 11 years, still a young doctor and surgeon in comparison, I have learnt to many things and yet has still much too learn. Medicine is a of progressive learning and the best teachers are your patients and not the textbook.
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