Odysseys of George

I am in Singapore for the First Asia-Pacific Gastric Cancer Congress. This morning I had access to the internet and therefore checked my mail and found this from my good friend Paga.

NEW ”DISEASES” IN MALAYSIA

The Malaysian Ministry of Health is now asking the public to be on
the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases.

ASSMA
Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass.
The number-one disease in Malaysia amongst civil servants.

DIALARRHOEA
Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone
to share with them such important information as “I’m now on the
monorail”or “I’m walking towards the car.” Victims can be recognized
by large, twitching thumb.

MEESLES
Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of
instant noodles.

MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS
Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Vietnam,
Thailand,Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides.
Middle-aged men are at significant risk.

YELLOW FEVER
Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction
amongst foreign celebrities and caucasian expatriates working in
Malaysia. Also known as Pinkerton’s Disease.

EKOR-TOTONUS
Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression
at finding out one has not won any gaming numbers and lotteries.

HEAVYTITIS
Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several
variant strains…….. Heavytitis A; Heavytitis B; Heavytitis C, and
sometimes Heavytitis DD.

CYBERTENSION
Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access.

DYEBETES
A compulsive need to colour one’s hair. Reddish brown tints
are the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new
strain of blond highlights.

CHICKEN TOX
Victims exhibit a great need to talk ****. Highly contagious.
Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by good food
and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially susceptible.
Incurable.

Let me start by telling you what is this actually

PET/CT

PET (Positron Emission Tomography)
– A PET scan demonstrates the biological function of the body before anatomical changes take place. A diagnostic examination that involves the acquisition of physiologic images based on the detection of radiation from the emission of positrons. Positrons are tiny particles emitted from a radioactive substance administered to the patient.
CT (Computed Tomography)
– CT scan provides information about the body’s anatomy such as size, shape and location

By combining these two scanning technologies, a PET/CT scan enables physicians to more accurately diagnose and identify cancer, heart disease and brain disorders. The PET exam pinpoints increased metabolic activity in cells and the CT exam provides an anatomical reference.

A radioactive substance is produced in a machine called a cyclotron and attached, or tagged, to a natural body compound, most commonly glucose, but sometimes water or ammonia.

It can be used as a diagnostic tool in oncology, neurology and cardiology.

In oncology, PET imaging provides a whole body, 3-dimensional image of how the patient has metabolized an injected radioactive tracer, fluorine-18 (FDG), a version of glucose (sugar). Malignant tissues will metabolize glucose at a rate frequently more than 20 times the rate that glucose is metabolized in other normal tissues. Each molecule of radioactivity is given a specific numeric value. With one scan, a radiologist can identify the primary site, determine the extent of disease (staging) and if it has spread (metastases).Therefore it can be used as a method to diagnose and stage cancer, check for tumor recurrence and monitor cancer therapy.
Using the same radioactive tracer, the PETCT can used to diagnose and manage brain diseases such as epilepsy and Alzheimer’s disease and determine whether damaged heart muscle can recover following coronary artery surgery or to evaluate the amount of viable heart tissue prior to considering a heart transplant. PET can be an alternative to invasive tests such as cardiac catheterization.

CYCLOTRON
A cyclotron is a particle accelerator that is so compact that a small one could actually fit in your pocket. It makes use of electric and magnetic fields in a clever way to accelerate a charge in a small space.The first cyclotron was built by Ernest Orlando Lawrence and his graduate student, M. Stanley Livingston, at the University of California, Berkley, in the early 1930′s.

Okay now the news!

We have just officiated a PET/CT facility in Putrajaya Hospital on the 7th November 2006. There is another in Penang Hospital if I am not mistaken. Well this was supposed to be in Kuala Lumpur Hospital but with the ministry’s intention to make Putrajaya Hospital a National Cancer Institute, so it was placed there. They will also supply Penang Hospital with the radioactive tracer which before this was imported from Singapore if my sources were correct.

This is the first phase of the ministry to materialize the National Cancer Institute. Another mega plan without any thought for public convenience. And of course with the “beloved” JPA and the difficult promotions and unsettled dissatisfaction among doctors especially specialist this great project may just become another white elephant. I am not saying that building such a centre is bad, infact it is very much needed but typical of Malaysia nobody thinks of the future and maintenance. Selayang Hospital itself is a good example of poor insight to maintainance. I will write further on this next time.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accident all falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. …

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.

TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their arse

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES: Female, because they’re constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they’ve hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman’s period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if
it doesn’t come, it means you are in big trouble.

Q: What’s the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.

Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a
day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.

Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath
Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked “Why”?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front”.

Today some of us were treated with Chinese food and eventually the topic was of the Mongolian murder. The question on table was of why? Why should somebody like Razak Baginda do something like that and his so supportive wife? Is the wife involved?

Tell me what your hypothesis is!!?